What No One Talks About During The Adoption Process

Two words: WEIGHT GAIN.

I know i'm not alone. I've seen it time and again. Maybe it starts while you're working on your homestudy because paperwork stresses you out. You've been matched, GREAT, STRESS. You've brought home this beautiful child, and you're exhausted and hungry ALL THE TIME. However and whenever it starts, it almost always starts. My husband and I have a running joke about the "adoptive mom uniform" it's stretchy skinny jeans, baggy T or sweater, infinty scarf, and knee high boots. Sometimes the skinny jeans are swapped for a maxi skirt or dress. Loose. Comfortable. Hides the extra 10 pounds I've packed on clothing.

What do I do about it? Well, when you find out let me know. What I've found that helps me is accountability. Having someone I can message or call in the middle of the night when the thought of my son being in an orphanage on the other side of the world keeps me up and the ice cream is calling my name. You can find other adopting families in your area and start a walking group. Two birds with one stone, community AND exercise! I've been doing a pushup every time I think of our son. I'm up to 3 in row, WOOHOO! Find some stress relief somewhere and somehow. Try essential oils, there are many kinds out there but I only suggest Young Living for many reasons! Find a hobby for the wait. I know paperwork feels like a hobby but it's not healthy to live and breathe mushed up trees with ink on them. I've found hiking to be INCREDIBLY relaxing and it's something I can do with my son just the two of us before adding his brother to the mix.

"I have this friend I know she's gaining weight and I think it's because of their adoption, what do I do?" Invite her over for coffee. Give her a chance to vent about all the stress. Be a friend. The adoption process can feel isolating and lonely, be there so it doesn't feel so. Suggest a hobby you can do together. Invite her to a Zumba class or something, although, try not to insinuate she's getting a little love in her handles cause that's a can you don't want to open. Ask her if there is anything you can help with and then SUGGEST things like, bring a meal over, help with laundry, watch the kids for a while so she can Target by herself (yes Targeting is a thing), invite her out for a girls night, ask to come help her clean her house (Are you getting the cleaning hint I'm throwing out there?), or just say "I love you, I'm here and I can help you anyway I can".

So. You adopting mom friend. You are not alone in this exhausting journey. I love you even though I've never met you. You are strong and beautiful. Your love for your future child pours out of you like a river running madly wild. Rely on your people. Don't have people? Find some. You'll need them, trust me.

Giving Tuesday 2015

Today is the first Tuesday after Thanksgiving. A day where many people will focus their money on a charity, or their time in helping others. It takes a village to bring a child home through adoption. I'm going to give you a few examples of how to be that village today!

1. We are accepting donations through PayPal. There's a nifty little button off to the right that is yellow and says "Donate" simply click it and you'll be given the opportunity to donate financially. Things your money will go to are: flight expenses, dog boarding fees, adoption fees, unexpected expenses in country etc... THANK YOU for partnering with us!

2. Give of your time. Love dogs? Have time to "house sit" for us while we're traveling? We would LOVE to not have to board our dogs this go around. They can't be around other dogs so you'll need to be just bringing yourself to our house and be ok walking them around our yard at 6am, 2pm, and 8:30pm (sometimes more cause they're needy, we can adjust schedule so you can manage it on a lunch break at work etc..)

3. Buy a t-shirt! Click here to purchase a super awesome T!!  

We receive about $10 from every shirt bought. We must sell 5 for them to print! Ends December 20th

 4. Buy an ornament! We're asking for a $5 (add $2 for shipping if needed) donation for these ornaments. We did these last year and they were a huge hit! We can make custom sizes and colors if you have a specific want too. Just donate to us via PayPal and add "ornament" in the comments of the donation! You'll need to email me your address when you are done at elizabeth.g.hoos@gmail.com

5. Pray for us. Give up a few minutes today sometime to pray for our journey. We have a long winding path ahead of us as a family and we appreciate your prayers more than you know! Simply comment on this post "Praying" when you pray so we know!

6. Interested in essential oils? Email me at elizabeth.g.hoos@gmail.com to learn more about Young Living Essential Oils OR follow this link to signup and change your life for the better today!! All the money I make in commissions is going directly into our adoption fund! Anytime you buy any essential oils you'll be helping us get closer to bring our son home!

7. Have a direct sales or home business? We would love to be the recipient of a fundraiser on our behalf. We've had people donate a % of their profits from a day. Donate all the commissions from a home party to our fund. Last adoption someone let us put a change jar on their store counter to collect for us.

That's 7 ways to help us. Some tangible, some not. All equally amazing and powerful. Any questions about those ways feel free to email me at elizabeth.g.hoos@gmail.com!!

Obligatory Adorable Photo of our Family!

Anxiety is for the...Adopting Parents

I have never really been an anxious person. All my life I just took things as they came and dusted off after my inevitable falls. Often times not even noticing the parts of me that were really hurting. I was a goal keeper in my younger years. For the sake of this post, i'm gonna brag. I was a GOOD goal keeper. To get to be good I had to practice constantly to remove any bad habits that had formed. One particularly bad habit I had was diving into the goalposts. I knew the minute I launched for a ball I was gonna ring that bell like it was noon. One particular run in with the sticks I so lovingly referred to as my "boyfriend" I got back up quick after saving our team from going down a point (I mean obviously I was the savior to the team every game, I did mention I was good right?). I stood up like a soldier who'd just single handedly knocked down an entire army, chest puffed out and all. The whole world watching knew I'd rang that bell, and began to erupt into laughter when I was more concerned about the dirt in my sock than the growing knot on my forehead. So you see, even with physical wounds, I was often more concerned about the little things and ignored the headaches forming.

This adoption process has ROCKED MY WORLD. I worry about every step. Why? I have thought about this so hard. The only possible conclusion is this: my child needs me. I may not know where they are or who they are, but their birth parents have entrusted me with the ability to FIGHT for our babies. Right now, our son waits in his orphanage and I think about him 24/7. Sleep? Yeah right. My baby boy is sleeping in a crib on the other side of the world. In a region being rocked by terrorism and fear. I need to get to him. We need to protect him. I can't let it slip. I can't ignore the hurting in my head any longer. I gotta do this. If something were to go wrong and I was ignoring it, I could never forgive myself.

So that's where I'm at. I had to write it all out. It's been bouncing around in my head for a few months now. So yeah, I'm gonna continue to be a freakball of worry and emotions until I am walking down that hall at Dayton International Airport and I step outside the secure area. It's all gonna flow then. Be prepared for lots of red faced bawling photos and my kids looking at me like I have 6 heads. "Kids" that sounds so lovely.

Family is MORE than BLOOD!

How true is that though? Growing up I amassed a group of girls I call "sisters". They are at times more "family" than my own extended family (not knocking my family at all). Family is MORE than BLOOD!

We started a T-shirt fundraiser yesterday to help us pay for our homestudy. The homestudy update costs $700. The T-shirts will get us to $200 if we sell all 25.

They are super versatile. I made them that way so more people could buy them and wear them! You know you want one! Have a friend who is family? Buy them one too! Step parent? They need one too! Everyone needs one these walking advertisements that family is not just relegated to DNA. It is so much more. It is LOVE!

Get your shirts here: Hoos Family "Family is MORE than BLOOD" T-shirts!

It's Been A Long While...

Well. Here's an update. I guess I thought if I didn't blog about it I wouldn't have to bring all the emotions up to the surface.

In December I started pushing our agency for an update on Koraline. Because that's what we pay them for! Well, they kept saying "we emailed our in country representative and he hasn't responded, as soon as he does we'll forward it to you." After nearly a month of waiting I found the in country rep and emailed him myself. HE RESPONDED THE SAME DAY. Our daughters birth mother had heard rumors of American families adopting babies and harvesting their organs (NO children have been legally adopted internationally for this purpose, it was a scare tactic from the DRC media to get the country against international adoption during the suspension). So she did what any mother would do hearing that, she scooped her daughter up and brought her home.

Our hearts still ache at the loss of our baby girl. We pray everyday she is well taken care of, we know she is loved. This all went down before Christmas. I didn't have the heart to pack away any of her stuff until February. So obviously we couldn't handle starting another adoption right away.

On mothers day Kevin gave me a gift. It was a coupon gift with coupons like free night without baby duty (Jack's STILL not sleeping all night), or a back rub. The last coupon brought me to shock and then tears. "I'm ready, let's adopt again."

So we started the process.

That's where we're at, starting the process. Homestudy update is underway and we're exploring our options. There's an opportunity right now we are exploring and I'll be able to share more once we have a solid answer on some things!

Be praying for us. I'm so scared we'll get a match and then the country will suspend exit letters.

We are also accepting donations to help us with the fees of getting our homestudy updated, once that's done we can apply for grants.

Stay tuned for some fundraising opportunities coming up!

Jack's First Birthday Picture

Pictures are worth a thousand...

When you are adopting a child internationally all you have to go on during the court process are pictures. You get to watch your child grow through the lens of a camera. Unfortunately we have not had even that. Our agency has only gotten us one picture. There are all kinds of excuses and reasons but the reality is that it is killing this mama's heart to not be able to see my Koraline grow up. I want so bad to see more than the one picture. In almost 10 months so much can change with a toddler. I wish I could just see one more picture.

There is a man that can make this happen. However he needs a large chunk of $ to travel from Kinshasa to southern DR Congo where our girl is. It's heart breaking to know we may not ever see her picture. We have to raise the funds to send the man to take pictures and love on our girl. 1 in 7 kids die before reaching age 5 in the DRC. There's a chance that we may never see her face if this exit permit suspension continues. Part of me wants to hop in a plane and go there myself. But I'd have to rob a bank or something to get the $ to do that.

So here I sit asking for prayer, support, anything. Know a missionary in the DRC? Have an extra $2500 sitting around? Have something you can sell that might help us get to our goal? We're having an auction the first week of August. Buy something from that to help us out!

I lay awake at night watching our son sleep dreaming about the day when I can watch him and his sister run around in the backyard, take them to all the cool places, go swimming in a creek... This mama just needs a picture.

Jack's Finalization Hearing on 5/23/2014, which he slept through...

Letter to "L" on Mother's Day

When we were preparing to adopt I read all kinds of posts around each mothers day. Blogs about being so happy to have the gift of motherhood and blogs about how to celebrate the adopted child's first family. The one that had the most impact for me was a blog written by an adoptive mother to her children's birth mother. 

Our adoption with Jack is a closed adoption. So we have no contact with his first mommy. There is not a day go by that I don't think about her and the amazing love she showed our Jack. Everytime I tell him I love him I am telling him for her too. Every kiss is a kiss from her too. Every night when I cuddle up to my little snuggle bug I cuddle him for her too. So here's my letter to Jack's first mother, "L". 

Dear L,

You've never met me, or even seen my face. However we share in a miracle that is so amazing and perfect. When you chose to place your baby boy in an adoptive home you made the hardest decision you ever could! You are far braver than I ever could be. Everyday when I look at our son I see your courage and strength. His eyes reflect your love, his smiles reflect the happiness you gave him, he is above average on every milestone and I know he got that determination from you. 

This holiday was so very hard for me for so many years. The pain of empty arms is a deep one. I know now that your gift to me has resulted in you feeling this now. I want you to know that Jack will always know you how deep you love him. There are no words that can make this day hurt any less for you and I know that. 

The only thing I can do on this day is thank you. Not just a "hey, thanks" but a sincere thank you. You gave Jack life, you wanted and cherished him, you loved him. Now we can teach him how to live his life, we want and cherish him, and because of your love for him our family is fuller. You will be forever a part of our family even though we have never met you or even seen your face. 

From one mother to another, thank you from the depths of my heart for loving our son enough to give him life and thank you for making me a mother. Those words just don't seem enough. I don't think words can really say what I want to say. The gratitude is in the everyday, it's in the boo boos I kiss, in the way he explodes into grins and giggles when his daddy comes home from work, it's in the middle of the night when he wakes us up giggling. My thanks for you grows along with our boy. 

He is so handsome!

and cheesy

and a heartbreaker!