I have never really been an anxious person. All my life I just took things as they came and dusted off after my inevitable falls. Often times not even noticing the parts of me that were really hurting. I was a goal keeper in my younger years. For the sake of this post, i'm gonna brag. I was a GOOD goal keeper. To get to be good I had to practice constantly to remove any bad habits that had formed. One particularly bad habit I had was diving into the goalposts. I knew the minute I launched for a ball I was gonna ring that bell like it was noon. One particular run in with the sticks I so lovingly referred to as my "boyfriend" I got back up quick after saving our team from going down a point (I mean obviously I was the savior to the team every game, I did mention I was good right?). I stood up like a soldier who'd just single handedly knocked down an entire army, chest puffed out and all. The whole world watching knew I'd rang that bell, and began to erupt into laughter when I was more concerned about the dirt in my sock than the growing knot on my forehead. So you see, even with physical wounds, I was often more concerned about the little things and ignored the headaches forming.
This adoption process has ROCKED MY WORLD. I worry about every step. Why? I have thought about this so hard. The only possible conclusion is this: my child needs me. I may not know where they are or who they are, but their birth parents have entrusted me with the ability to FIGHT for our babies. Right now, our son waits in his orphanage and I think about him 24/7. Sleep? Yeah right. My baby boy is sleeping in a crib on the other side of the world. In a region being rocked by terrorism and fear. I need to get to him. We need to protect him. I can't let it slip. I can't ignore the hurting in my head any longer. I gotta do this. If something were to go wrong and I was ignoring it, I could never forgive myself.
So that's where I'm at. I had to write it all out. It's been bouncing around in my head for a few months now. So yeah, I'm gonna continue to be a freakball of worry and emotions until I am walking down that hall at Dayton International Airport and I step outside the secure area. It's all gonna flow then. Be prepared for lots of red faced bawling photos and my kids looking at me like I have 6 heads. "Kids" that sounds so lovely.
This adoption process has ROCKED MY WORLD. I worry about every step. Why? I have thought about this so hard. The only possible conclusion is this: my child needs me. I may not know where they are or who they are, but their birth parents have entrusted me with the ability to FIGHT for our babies. Right now, our son waits in his orphanage and I think about him 24/7. Sleep? Yeah right. My baby boy is sleeping in a crib on the other side of the world. In a region being rocked by terrorism and fear. I need to get to him. We need to protect him. I can't let it slip. I can't ignore the hurting in my head any longer. I gotta do this. If something were to go wrong and I was ignoring it, I could never forgive myself.
So that's where I'm at. I had to write it all out. It's been bouncing around in my head for a few months now. So yeah, I'm gonna continue to be a freakball of worry and emotions until I am walking down that hall at Dayton International Airport and I step outside the secure area. It's all gonna flow then. Be prepared for lots of red faced bawling photos and my kids looking at me like I have 6 heads. "Kids" that sounds so lovely.
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